Growing up

This is my last week of having an "infant" even though I have considered him a toddler for several weeks now due to his increasing hazardous behavior. Even so, I am missing my sweet, cuddly peanut (well, ok, maybe not peanut as much as mini-sumo wrestler) that I used to hold for hours on end just watching him sleep. Of course, he gets more fun every day and I love the fact that we can actually play with each other, make each other laugh, and that I get to watch this precious child learn new things every day-it is truly amazing. And there are moments, brief as they may be, that he curls into me and lays against my chest like he used to--that is until he remembers that there are very important things to destroy and leaps out of my arms before I know what's happening. So, I guess you see my inner conflict about my BABY turning one year on Saturday. And grandparents, before you even think it....yes, I know that having another baby would solve this problem but don't get your hopes up just yet. I'm not sure Jay (or Jake for that matter) will tolerate sharing any attention just yet. I am trying my hardest to convince Jane and Katie to have babies soon so I can just hold their babies when I need my fix...without success so far. Until then, I will just have to look back at the millions of pictures I have of that perfect baby that I fell in love with so quickly and somehow love him even more every day. For those of you that listen to country music, Brad Paisley has a song out called "Then" that I cry to every time I here it and if I am at home grab Jay, no matter what he is doing, and just dance with him. He has no idea what I am doing but tolerates my emotional moment only because I twirl him around. I love the song so much because it is so true about your love for your children. Wes and I think back to when he was a week old and we were so overwhelmed by how much we loved him then....and then a few months later how much more we loved him then....and a few months after that even more...and now, I don't see how I could love him even more but I know that next year I'll look back to his 1st birthday and say, "And I thought I loved you then..." My parents told me growing up that I would understand why they, in my words, "were so over-protective and strict" once I had a child and now I see that. Now that he is starting to grow up I just want to keep him in a bubble so nothing bad ever happens to him. Not just physical danger but my heart breaks to think about the day he comes home crying because some kids at school made fun of him. Or when he gets his heart broken by his first love. Or when he makes the losing error in his baseball game. Or when he gets turned down by his dream job. Or just thinking about him graduating college and stepping out into the mean world on his own. I see now why our parents want to be so involved in our lives, even now. Because the idea that anything bad will happen to your child, your heart, is so heart-wrenching that you can't even breathe when you think about it. Now that I have a pit in my stomach from thinking about all of this, I am just going to end by saying that I truly fall more in love with my precious Jay every second and I am so thankful that Wes and I get to experience this miracle every day.