What was Papa Rich like?

What was Papa Rich like?

Since Dad died I’ve been obsessed with keeping Jay from forgetting him. Although there were days that just mentioning his name physically hurt, I made sure I kept talking about him. The hardest part of this whole thing has been the realization that Jay won’t know him…at least in the way that I dreamed. Daddy’s father died when he was 11 and so I know what it is to not know your Papa. Back then pictures were scarce and the only thing I know of Papa Lamon is what daddy and other family has told me. The fact that it was so long since he died made it difficult for stories to be detailed and real. I know a little about Papa Lamon but never felt like I knew him. I always regretted that so when I had Jay I was thrilled that all of his grandparents would be able to have that bond that is so precious. And that dream ended abruptly for me 6 months ago. Of course, Mimi, Mama Ross, and Papa Tim will fill that void in the years to come and Jay won’t even realize he missed anything. He is so loved by them and I couldn’t ask for a better Papa than Tim. There is no doubt in my mind that he will be Jay’s favorite person in the world. With that said, my dreams are not complete without Dad, and so I think the only way I will heal is by doing anything I can so that, when he is older, Jay feels like he knew his Papa Rich.  

I always used to ask Dad, “what was Papa Lamon like” and he would tell me as much as he could but I was never satisfied. I wanted more, I wanted specific details, specific memories. And that is what I want to give Jay before the memories start to fade and words become jumbled. So, about a month ago, I started listing out all of the memories I was afraid I’d forget. It is very long but for those who knew dad, I thought you’d enjoy reminiscing (and feel free to add comments of your own memories).

So, Jay (and our other precious blessings to come), one day when you all are reading this, here is what I want you to know about my Daddy.

·         He loved to tell me and Kurt stories when we were little. He never read them from books though; he would just make them up as he went. We would always be in the stories and he would come up with the craziest twists. Most of the time they were long and complex. I knew when he was tired though because we would beg him to tell us a story and he would say, “one day there was a pretty little girl and handsome little boy named Shannon and Kurt, and they went to the candy store and bought the biggest bag of skittles they’d ever seen!” We would brace ourselves for the twist, eyes wide, “then what daddy?” and he’d say, “Nothing-that’s it, that’s the story.” Dad and I laughed about him doing that just before he died.

·         He knew more about three things than any other person I knew: baseball, Elvis, and country music. He could tell you stats from as far back as his teenage years, fine details of exact games, and a personal history about most players. I think he read every book ever written about Elvis and could sing literally every one of his songs. I grew up listening to country music every day, watching all of the awards shows, and learning about the artists and songwriters lives to the most specific detail.  I remember he called me in college one day and said, “Shannon, can I come over? I have the coolest thing to show you!” It was a virtual tour of Alan Jackson’s house. For an extra $10 you could take a tour of the room he wrote songs in and you better believe Dad paid up. He said, “he was sitting right there in that chair when he wrote ‘Where were you when the world stopped turning’…that’s amazing!”

·         He was very competitive…even with his 5 year old son’s Nintendo games. He would get so mad when they’d play and Kurt would win. He would have to keep playing “the best out of 3…then 5…then 7” and so on until either Kurt let him win or Mimi told him to stop acting like a child.

·         He loved being outside and active. He was often the only adult out playing with all of the neighborhood kids. We played ping pong, baseball, football, etc. he didn’t care…he was always right in the center of us…and Kurt and I loved it. He made everything so fun. It never occurred to me that he really was the only parent out there until I was older. It was like he was one of us. In fact, one of Kurt’s friends told us at the visitation that he always loved playing poker with Dad (he would often play with Kurt and his buddies in college) because Dad would talk a big game but even when he won, he’d give everyone their money back.

·         He was never much of a romantic, as I’m sure Mimi would agree, but since I was his “little girl” I got to see a part of him others didn’t. He always made sure I was not to cold, not to hot, didn’t get wet when it rained…all of those “princess” things. One day (I was around 6) we were walking in the neighborhood and I had on my favorite princess shoes. We walked up to a puddle and I started complaining that my shoes would get dirty so he said, “oh no, we can’t get your shoes wet”, took off his jacket and threw it over the puddle for me to walk over. I was so thrilled at the time I didn’t think about it, but I’m not sure why he didn’t just pick me up.

·         Even as I got older he would up and surprise me with things only a girl would love. When I got my learners license he told me he had a surprise. We drove to his friend’s house and borrowed his jaguar. Dad let me drive around in the VHS parking lot for probably an hour. I was totally impressed with my cool dad letting me drive a sports car when I was only 15.

·         He was only that way with me though….with Kurt he was all boy. They played catch most evenings after he got home from work. They wrestled every chance they got. They played video games together constantly. He was either a coach or sponser in most of Kurt’s pre-high school seasons.  And when Kurt started high school baseball, Dad was the loyal fan. He never missed a single game, not once, until he was in ICU after having a heart attack. And even then he was adamant that he had never missed a game and he wouldn’t start then. It just so happened to be Kurt’s first varsity game and dad somehow convinced his cardiologist that he would be in more stress if he missed the game than if he were there watching it. He was getting ready to leave AMA when his surgeon from Emory found out and sent for orders to have him transferred to Atlanta immediately. Dad was furious. He told me one time that his dad never got to see him play as a teenager and he was not going to take it for granted that he was able to watch his son play. Of course he was too anxious to sit on the sidelines with the rest of the parents. He literally walked around the baseball field over and over the entire game. Everyone made fun of him for this but it didn’t phase him. He just didn’t want to miss a second.

There are many more stories like this that Kurt will have to tell you.

·         He was always there in those ways. All of our school activities he made sure to be there, to support us. He never missed anything that I can remember. It was a given that he was coming, that we were always priority.

·         Traveling was always a big deal to him and has led to many of my favorite childhood memories:

o   He loved going to historical places so he could see it up close…it fascinated him that he could be at the same place famous historical people once were. He would always say, “can you believe that ‘so and so’ walked on this same street?!” He always told me and Kurt that we didn’t appreciate history, I guess because we didn’t get sentimental like him.

o   We went on family vacations as least once a year. The older Kurt and I got, the more decisions he’d let us make about where/what we did. Some of them were: New York City, Lake Tahoe, California, Las Vegas, DC, Mexico, New Orleans, Key West, Boston, and just about everywhere in Florida. He would have father/daughter trips and father/son trips where he would plan things just for us. We went on a father/daughter trip to NYC and he found a modeling shoot in central park and we watched it until I was tired (I was obsessed with modeling at the time) then took me to eat at “Models Inc Cafe” where the entire theme was about famous models. For Kurt, he would go to see different baseball teams across the country and do more adventurous stuff. After every family trip, he would ask me, Kurt, and Mimi, “now what was your favorite part of the trip?” and we’d spend an hour in the car discussing it. I will make that a tradition for us because of him.

o   He traveled by himself a lot and told me that he enjoyed that because he didn’t have to worry about if everyone else was safe and having fun. He just did what he wanted to do, at his pace. He did the most random things, stayed in awful places - often just in his car, and probably didn’t bathe the entire time. His stories from these places were amazing though. He hitchhiked around Scotland until he found a woman with the last name of Lamont and talked to her in her kitchen over milk and cookies for two hours about how they might be related. He drove from one end of Texas to the other, stopping at local spots, playing on whatever golf course he came across, catching a Rangers’ game, and stopping at random museums that Kurt and I would have complained about the entire time, I’m sure. His last vacation like this was in May. He flew to Colorado, rented a car, and drove all over the mid-west. He camped in the snow, went to Yellowstone, saw the Woolly Mammoth sites in South Dakota, calling us every step of the way to rave about what he’d just seen. The funny part, to me and your dad, was that he would plan these trips in 2 week increments and call about a week in saying that he is getting lonely and is ready to get back. We wondered why he didn’t just plan shorter trips. I think that, at the time, 2 weeks in the wilderness sounded relaxing, until he realized that he liked a soft bed and home-cooked food a little too much.

·         On my first day of school I was terrified and screamed the whole way there. He felt so bad that he took me to the store and bought me a ‘Yoo-Hoo’ but I refused it since I was so mad. He had to drag me out of the car kicking and screaming. He told me a few years ago that after he dropped me off he hid in the bushes by the playground and watched me until I started playing. He said he just had to make sure I was ok.

·         Another thing I will never forget is all of the advice he gave. I don’t think Kurt and I could do anything, make any decision, without him saying, “I have some advice for you…” and he would go on to discuss whatever life lesson we needed at the time. After we would roll our eyes he would say, “Now one day you are going to be glad I told you this.”  It was so annoying at the time but, I must admit, he was right. I still hear his advice in the back of my mind when I am trying to make a decision.

·         He was so funny. Of course, you had to appreciate humor with a tad bit of crudeness and a whole lot of sarcasm….but I always laughed when I was with him. He used humor to get through the hardships of life and when things were difficult his jokes made them seem much less tragic. This Christmas I couldn’t help but hear him in the back of my mind telling these, borderline inappropriate jokes: One, after Mimi opened her presents he would have said, “Wanda, you got more presents this year because without me around the kids had more money in the budget!”  Two, we should send out holiday cards that, instead of saying something spiritual or sweet they will say, “Let’s hope for a better year in 2011!”

·         I can’t leave out a very obvious trait of his:  He loved to listen to himself sing. You will know this well since we have cd’s upon cd’s of him serenading us with his lovely (maybe not exactly the right word) voice. Country and southern gospel were his songs of choice and I can’t even tell you how many hundreds of nights we all spent sitting on the couch listening to him. If he hit maybe 2 keys during a song I told him he did a great job. He didn’t always like it when I listened though because he said I was not very complimentary. I would reply, “well, dad, do you want me to be complimentary or do you want me to be honest?” I could talk about this forever and I know I won’t forget this part of him so I will spare the writing and just save those stories for when we want to talk about his ridiculous ritual.

·         Along with that, he loved songwriting. Again, not that he was super talented in this area but he loved it anyway. He always had a notebook beside his karaoke machine at home that had bits and pieces of lyrics. As a line popped into his head he’d scribble it down. They were either sob stories that would fit perfectly in a very depressing country song or ones about how Jesus saves the lost…a perfect southern gospel bit. He would often call me and say, “Shannon, listen to this line I just thought of…” Sometimes I’d think they were great….other times I’d just roll my eyes. Since I’ve spent the last 6 months analyzing every part of him, I think he loved singing/songwriting because it was the one place he didn’t have any pressure to excel…whether he sang every key perfectly or missed them all, no one cared, no one was depending on him to do well. So he could truly enjoy it.

·         He was a brilliant businessman. He knew numbers, he knew investments, and he knew how to manage finances. If I miss anything about him that is practical, it is his business sense. I called him at least once a week with random questions about money and he always knew what to do, usually before I could finish my question. He was an excellent provider for Mimi and somehow managed to give me and Kurt everything we wanted even during the beginning of his career when salaries were low….and still have money stashed away for every kind of emergency or investment. I always admired him for this.

·         He was very loyal to his friends and family. I know this sounds generic but this was one of his strongest qualities. I can’t tell you how many people came up to us at the funeral and said, “Richard was my best friend.” He always was there for those he loved and was one of the most dependable people I’ve ever known.

·         He was “tight” as his friends called him. Growing up we were always the last to get whatever was trendy because he would wait until the price would drop. We were the last people I knew to get a VCR. Every time Kurt and I would ask for a pool he’d say, there’s no point in paying for a pool when we have friends that let us use there’s for free. He would remind us every time we’d go out to dinner that drinks were $2 a piece and we’d save $8 if we all just ordered water, and we can have a coke when we get home. And then he would say, “ Wanda, you and shannon can probably just share a meal, right?” 

·         Papa Rich also loved reading. He always had a book on hand (usually about sports, business, or music). He loved learning about how people became who they are and to see them overcome hardships. He also just liked learning more about things that he enjoyed. And, like most people from his generation, the newspaper was a necessary part of his daily routine.

·         He hated poor grammar. I am thankful for this now but he constantly corrected the smallest incorrect word/phrase I said…even as an adult. In fact,  I proofread the blog entries so closely because I knew if I missed anything, I’d be getting a phone call…”Shannon, you spelled this wrong” or “you should have said it this way”.  That was the one thing he didn’t like about country music…the artists are notorious for using incorrect grammar. So Dad, while singing them, would just change the wording so it was correct, even if it messed up the rhyme or didn’t flow with the melody…he’d rather it be correct. 

·         We argued over whether my hair was red or strawberry blonde my entire life. He called me a “red head” just to get a rise out and I would let him have it. When you were born with my hair color, the arguments started again. He named me Shannon Lamon (which, when said correctly, rhymes). So I changed the pronunciation to Lay-mon, which offended him. This was an argument we had until I got married. He did feel bad about that though. He said he didn’t think about it rhyming until I was a week old and it was too late to change.

·         Kurt and I loved teaming up on him and making so much fun of his little quircks, his dramatic flares, and random things he did. Picking on each other was constant, between each of us and we got so heated people who didn’t know us would probably think we hated each other. But we knew, always, that it was just fun…even when we did get a tad sensitive. In fact, I could always tell that dad was really bothered by something when he didn’t let the jokes get dramatic. Joking with one another, in a way, reminded us that when all is said and done, we weren’t just family – we were best friends.

·         Golf was something he was involved in that I could never tell if he actually enjoyed. He started playing because that’s what bankers do but baseball was his true love. In fact, every few years he would storm in the house and announce that he was never playing that stupid game again. That is until one of his golfing buddies worked him down. Then he was back at it as much as ever. After he had his heart attack golf was about the only sport he could tolerate so it became his preferred activity then. And in the last several years he found his stride and I think truly enjoyed the game. Honestly, he probably just didn’t like losing and, in golf, he lost a lot. I’d love to hear what his golfing buddies remember about him.

·         And in baseball, the Braves were always his favorite team. We watched every game as kids, went to tons of games, and went to spring training most years. He and Kurt usually went alone but there were a few times that they were generous enough to bring Mimi and me. Of course, it irritated dad to no end that I talked about how “fine” the players were and didn’t care at all about the game. I’ll never forget when they won the World Series in 1995 we were all watching it in the living room. He picked me and Kurt up and twirled us around screaming, “We did it! We did it!” over and over. It is one of the best memories I have.

·         Now for some quick facts:

o   He was born at SGMC in Valdosta and grew up there.

o   His dad is from Dixie, Ga. His mom from Jacksonville, Fl.

o   Raised and remained southern Baptist

o   His favorite singers (other than Elvis): George Strait, Alan Jackson, George Jones, and Randy Travis, Keith Whitley, Merle Haggard

o   His favorite foods:  spaghetti, hamburgers, BBQ, sliced tomatoes, chicken wings, Mimi’s chili, your dad’s smoked ribs, creamed corn, watermelon with salt on it (mimi would have to ration his serving out or he’d eat the entire melon and be sick for the day)

o   Favorite salad dressing: French

o   He peppered everything

o   Favorite cereals: Honey Smacks and Frosted Flakes

o   He drank his coffee black

o   He had been to almost every professional league baseball stadium in the country (maybe all of them….Kurt would know for sure)

o   His favorite gospel song was “The Lighthouse” which was played at his funeral

o   He didn’t like animals (as pets at least) and was scared of dogs as a child…and I think even as an adult—he just wouldn’t admit it

o   He had been to all 50 states except I think 4 (maybe less)

o   Dale Murphy was his favorite athlete

o   He bought a red convertible when I was in high school….mid-life crisis I guess

o   He had small hands and feet…which is where I got mine

o   He was a perfectionist in many ways, hated to fail at anything, and was harder on himself than he ever was on any of us

o   Politically he was a conservative but more open minded than most, a trait I always liked about him

o   Smoked cigarettes until Mimi got pregnant with me and then stopped cold turkey

o   He went to UGA (1976) and Lowndes High School (1972)

o   He met Mimi at McDonalds in Valdosta and married her after graduating college, they were married for 34 years when he died

o   He came home to see her every weekend during college and even hitchhiked one night because he didn’t have enough money for gas…he got as far as Tifton and Mimi had to go get him.

o   Was a banker for over 30 years and was president of the Valdosta branch until he died, he was highly respected among his colleagues and employees.

o   He loved going to the beach and taking vacations to just sit and relax

o   He was “cold” to the boys I dated. He would walk in the room without looking at them and barely said hey. I constantly asked him to be nicer to them and he just rolled his eyes and told me that he was too nice to them already.

o   He was a flirt with all of Kurt’s girlfriends….this double standard always bothered me but he said I would understand when I had a girl.

o   He was a man of few words when it came time talk about emotions but we never doubted his love for us, it was in the things he did for us, and how he would hold our hands during quiet moments.

o   His guilty pleasure was cigars. I lectured him about this and put limits on how many he could smoke a year…sometimes he complied…sometimes he didn’t.

o   He was 6’1 and weighed almost 200lbs. He was so handsome. My friends always joked about me having a “hot dad” which made me nauseous when I was young. Once I grew up, I was the one who told everyone he was handsome.

o   He was very intellectual and had strong common sense. He would think about things from every angle, used logic and reason to make decisions, and most of the time, made the right one.

o   He was so proud of your dad. He told everyone that his son-in-law was a doctor and was very smart. He called your dad all the time to ask the most ridiculous question about health. And would brag to his buddies that he was right because he talked to his son-in-law-who is a doctor.

o   He walked fast and always had a schedule to stick to

o   He made lists for everything, all day long

o   He had horrible handwriting

o   He wanted conversations to be to-the-point, bottom-line, he didn’t like rambling or too many irrelevant details, he probably said, “so the bottom line is….” And “long story short…” more than any other phrases

o   He could throw a baseball straight up in the air and catch it behind his back without looking

o   His best “trick” to save money: wait to ask for a cup of coffee until after the waitress brings the check. Chances are she isn’t going to do the extra work to add it on the ticket. And then you get a free cup of coffee!

o   He always bought from kids selling things (boy scouts, school fundraisers, etc). He said it built confidence. And would tell them good job and to keep it up!  I loved that about him.

o   He loved the countryside. Just walking in the quiet, thinking. He was most relaxed when he was away from everything, just enjoying nature.

o   His most negative quality: he had a horrible temper which I lectured him about often. He said he got spankings every day for his temper tantrums as a child.

o   He labeled himself an introvert even though many people saw a more social side to him. I think being a businessman forced him to become more social and extroverted. Either way, he hated crowds and always preferred to be in small groups.

o   He worried about everything…no matter how insignificant or out of his control it was

o   He was a planner. For every situation he had plan A, B, and C. He always prepared for the worst. A good and bad quality I guess.

o   He analyzed everything to the most specific detail

o   He put everything into his work, family, and friends. To him, it was so important to do the right thing and to not let people down.

o   Words I would use to describe him: integrity, loyalty, funny, passionate, dependable, honest, dramatic, worrier, realist, caring, sarcastic, moody, intelligent, type A

·         You were his miracle. The day I called to tell him I was having a boy he started planning everything you would do together. Being a papa was probably his favorite role in the world. And because he loved you so deeply, I know, if he could, he would do anything to reverse the events of the night he died, to stop the worst decision he ever made.  So here are the best things about your Papa Rich, those things that were genuine, that made him who he was. And when I talk about him we will not remember how he died but the wonderful man that he was. The one who loved us, loved you, and wanted nothing but the best for his family.